Conflict Resolution - He Hit Me First

Good morning and welcome to Our Daily Walk.

Audio version at http://tinyurl.com/yt3k2y

Parents have heard just about every excuse. When breaking up a scuffle among children inevitably someone will say, “he hit me first,” or “he started it.” In the end, most parents are not so much concerned with who started it as with how it will end. Usually it means that everyone gets in trouble, regardless of who started it all.

You’d think that as we grow older we would learn to behave better, but it isn’t always the case. Hurt feelings, jealousies, spite and getting even are all just as much a part of the lives of many adults as they are with children. The plea, “but he started it” is often used to justify one’s own bad behavior toward others.

In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus describes some very challenging behavior that He wishes us to have. In Matthew 5:38-41, He says, “You have heard that it was said, 'An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.' But I tell you not to resist an evil person. But whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. If anyone wants to sue you and take away your tunic, let him have your cloak also. And whoever compels you to go one mile, go with him two.”

He goes on from there to describe how we are to love our enemies, bless those who curse us, do good for those who hate us and pray for those who are persecuting us. Clearly, Jesus is interested in us taking the high road with others, especially when we have been wronged.

So what are we to do when others may wrong us or sin against us? Are we to just sit there and continue to turn the other cheek all day long? Are we expected to be a doormat for anyone who decides to harm us?

No, that’s not the idea at all. The main idea is that above all, we should conduct ourselves in a manner worthy of our Lord. We take the high road.

Specifically, in dealing with a person who sins against us or does us harm, Jesus gives excellent direction to us in Matthew 18:15-17.

“Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that 'by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.' And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.”

Let’s look at these three steps a little closer. First of all, Jesus says that we have an obligation to tell the person that they have done something to harm us. This is the step that most people don’t feel comfortable doing. But, chances are pretty good that either the person intended to harm us or that they had no idea what they did to us. Either way, by confronting them about it in an open and loving way, both parties will know where they stand.

If it was a misunderstanding or a mistake, this first step will help clear the problem. But if harm was intended, then the second and third steps may be necessary. In any event, we are not to be concerned with repaying evil for evil. In fact, Paul discusses this in Romans 12:17-21.

“Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, ‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord. Therefore ‘If your enemy is hungry, feed him; If he is thirsty, give him a drink; For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

Jesus doesn’t want us to suffer at the hands of others. But neither does He desire us to even the score or return evil for evil. What He wants is for us to act in a manner that will help properly communicate what is wrong and how it can be corrected. It doesn’t matter who started it. What matters is how we act in bringing it to a successful resolution.

On Our Daily Walk today, when wronged may our hearts be set on reconciliation not revenge, and may we strengthen a friendship rather than settle a score.

Our thought for the day: “The only portion of the Lord’s Prayer that has a condition attached is the one on forgiveness.”

May God bless you on your daily walk.

© Our Daily Walk, Mike Baker, 2007. Permission is granted to copy these articles provided they are not sold and the author's name and copyright are included.